Sunday, November 11, 2018
No one believes in me, anymore.
It is true I place great value in all the creative and performing arts, and that's pretty much where I've always placed my life. They respect other musicians and not me.
My Problem
Well, no offense against people involved, but...
People started talking to me in secret message when I was a music major in college, the 2nd part of the 2nd semester. Supposedly, a professor was watching me in private and someday I'd meet them. Again, now, people are acting like someone is talking to me via people monitoring them in private like I'll meet them someday. So, the first person, the professor, was since 2005.
Also, they stopped talking to me and people started being mean to me, after having more problems in school, academically. Now, the people I know are all channeled thinking they can be mean to me. Strangers know. They "hurt me" if I think/react upset. If I post it on my problems blog, the people monitoring me in private make it worse.
People started talking to me in secret message when I was a music major in college, the 2nd part of the 2nd semester. Supposedly, a professor was watching me in private and someday I'd meet them. Again, now, people are acting like someone is talking to me via people monitoring them in private like I'll meet them someday. So, the first person, the professor, was since 2005.
Also, they stopped talking to me and people started being mean to me, after having more problems in school, academically. Now, the people I know are all channeled thinking they can be mean to me. Strangers know. They "hurt me" if I think/react upset. If I post it on my problems blog, the people monitoring me in private make it worse.
I wanted to go PRO!
My life is a constant discipline that my music doesn't really matter like everyone else's and that I'm bad because I can't play 1 instrument well enough to go pro!
That's why I quit amateur choir. I thought I was a music major now. It's not about me going back to being an amateur while others advance.
People wonder why I quit church choir when they confront me, it seems, or why if I am doing violin I am not piano and also forgetting organ.
I see people sing for holidays or flying in the air, and I can't do any of that. I've tried to record and tour, though I had already lost my voice.
Funny, I was in church choir in college, and no one seemed to care or notice.
I could feel it in the college, before they told me to adjust my courses for the worse, as far as I can tell. I ended up having to leave, too.
That's why I quit amateur choir. I thought I was a music major now. It's not about me going back to being an amateur while others advance.
People wonder why I quit church choir when they confront me, it seems, or why if I am doing violin I am not piano and also forgetting organ.
I see people sing for holidays or flying in the air, and I can't do any of that. I've tried to record and tour, though I had already lost my voice.
Funny, I was in church choir in college, and no one seemed to care or notice.
I could feel it in the college, before they told me to adjust my courses for the worse, as far as I can tell. I ended up having to leave, too.
My Musical Background
- kids music
- Catholic church music
- Enya etc.
- a mixture of classical and musical theater
- Catholic church music
- Enya etc.
- a mixture of classical and musical theater
What's Important
I figured out what type of person I was, "like it or not." I'm pretty much worthless if I'm not allowed to talk to who I want to, if they would agree to talk to me, some. The thinking goes ... if I like someone, that means they're too good for me. However, I get people acting like they are looking out for me in saying I can't talk to good people, but, in the end, they just blurt out it's because it's not about themselves and position themselves as the worthy companion.
So! I'm one of those people who "didn't make it" and can only "make it" by fighting for it. I make some statement in some extreme, and I am just as happy as those who "made it" in life because I am busy doing that well. I come in and make a statement that not many people seem to make, and then I'm "done for." I stick out and seem a little tacky and self-centered. For instance, imagine someone who made it by being taller than they like or shorter than accepted. That's one example. Or, someone who is multiracial; a lot of them make it in the program of life.
This is not right, actually. People wonder why I feel lonely, perhaps, and when I can talk to someone and things can get better, because of other people picking at me, things get worse. They want to size up exactly how feelings work, like they can make a better robot with a more creative and functioning memory. It's like, "Wait, sir, you forgot to live!"
So! I'm one of those people who "didn't make it" and can only "make it" by fighting for it. I make some statement in some extreme, and I am just as happy as those who "made it" in life because I am busy doing that well. I come in and make a statement that not many people seem to make, and then I'm "done for." I stick out and seem a little tacky and self-centered. For instance, imagine someone who made it by being taller than they like or shorter than accepted. That's one example. Or, someone who is multiracial; a lot of them make it in the program of life.
This is not right, actually. People wonder why I feel lonely, perhaps, and when I can talk to someone and things can get better, because of other people picking at me, things get worse. They want to size up exactly how feelings work, like they can make a better robot with a more creative and functioning memory. It's like, "Wait, sir, you forgot to live!"
"Spread Myself Too Thin"
I can play:
-piano
-organ
-xylophone
Not really a lot, but I've performed with all of them.
In violin, my teachers never let me polish my work.
I played easy songs, easing back into things.
I'm working on 3 lesson songs + sometimes more and 3 for America's Got Talent, including the 1st post here for it. I hadn't practiced it all this time much since May, though it's my best and most entertaining.
I know my violin playing is better than people who can play really well, in a certain way, but I am realizing how good those people are at their craft to be accepted and how much more detailed the violin is than the piano.
So, I am gonna have to keep working on violin.
-piano
-organ
-xylophone
Not really a lot, but I've performed with all of them.
In violin, my teachers never let me polish my work.
I played easy songs, easing back into things.
I'm working on 3 lesson songs + sometimes more and 3 for America's Got Talent, including the 1st post here for it. I hadn't practiced it all this time much since May, though it's my best and most entertaining.
I know my violin playing is better than people who can play really well, in a certain way, but I am realizing how good those people are at their craft to be accepted and how much more detailed the violin is than the piano.
So, I am gonna have to keep working on violin.
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